November 18, 2002
I have begun to notice some extraordinarily interesting things within myself these last few days. In the process of being more social, I have completely withdrawn myself from everyone. It seems like a great contradiction in words however, it is all quite real and yet surreal at the same time. I am charting the patterns which I have seen emerge over the last few years when I begin going through this process. It is almost like a ritualistic defense mechanism of some sort. The curious aspect is why it occurs in patterns and not at random or by a trigger of some sort. I will have to delve into more study of this.
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I have begun to notice some extraordinarily interesting things within myself these last few days. In the process of being more social, I have completely withdrawn myself from everyone. It seems like a great contradiction in words however, it is all quite real and yet surreal at the same time. I am charting the patterns which I have seen emerge over the last few years when I begin going through this process. It is almost like a ritualistic defense mechanism of some sort. The curious aspect is why it occurs in patterns and not at random or by a trigger of some sort. I will have to delve into more study of this.
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November 14, 2001
I’m in a pretty bad mood today, I just woke up feeling angry, I must have had a dream about something that ticked me off. Who knows? This is rather odd, even for me.
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October 21, 2001
I am on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. Nevertheless, it will be an emotionless breakdown - how interesting.
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Caring for people is a futile waste of my mental energy. I’m extremely depressed and I’m not doing so great mentally, my thought processes are extremely skewed… I keep pushing people farther away. Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t such a narcissist, then maybe I could talk about the *real* problem. But, I am. So, I don’t. And *some* people are incredibly stupid.
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October 4, 2001
I’m feeling rather blah this evening. Of course I am, I’m always apathetic, heh. All is well I suppose, of course I have nothing together and I can’t think rationally, except in a erratic rational way, which is quite hard to explain. I suppose what appears rational to me will probably appear irrational to another. Oh well =P
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